Today, I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in almost two months.  I admitted to him that I stopped taking Abilify and was very surprised that he was not upset.  I told him 11 days, though really it’s been on and off for weeks. It started as an accident, forgetting to take it on nights when I fell asleep very early, but changed to purposeful, not taking it on an evening where I had planned to have drinks.

I feel relieved to be off of it — more than seems appropriate.  No one believed me that it was making me anxious.  I don’t know if that really was a side effect of the pharmaceutical or if it was just my mind, but either way, I feel less anxious now.  I had an unshakeable fear that the anti-psychotic was just masking what is really here.  It made it almost impossible for me to check my own aura and chakras, not to mention having only the most blurry view of other ‘things’ around me.  I hope that stopping this medication makes things clearer… and that clearer is better. It’s possible it will all spin out of control again, but if it does, I know I can always go back on the medication.

More than anything, I think I’ll actually be able to get shit done again.  Even if that just means doing things I enjoy, instead of shutting down and doing nothing.  I’ve spent months frozen and need to be freed again.