Holy cow. My internet has been down for like 8 hours and for much of that time, my provider wasn’t even answering tech support calls. This is the first weekend I’ve really been home without a lot of stuff going on since Christmas, and I was really looking forward to vegging with some Netflix. AND I have work that I need to get done by Sunday night and need to be able to VPN to work. AND I don’t want to have to go into an office on Monday.

My tech support person didn’t sound very promising. (He started out by asking me what color the light on the DSL router was, and I said, You know I’m a FIOS customer, right? He laughed and said he knows now. He figured out the problem right away, though, but it was a weird one. My router no longer knew the serial for my ONT, and vice versa. So basically the internet connection wasn’t getting into the house. I said that’s really weird, does that happen? And he said he hadn’t seen it in years. We agreed that would be a hassle if it did happen often, because they usually have to send a tech out to fix it on the box itself.

He’d assumed it was mounted someplace out of reach, and I was like is it something I can do? It’s in my closet. So there I am on a step ladder on my tiptoes with a flash light in one hand, pushing board games out of the way so I could see the thing, and it’s bolted closed. One of the bolts comes off, but the other needs a special tool. They’d wanted me to detach the battery (if you also pull the plug, it forces the box to restart).

Of course the battery is under the side that won’t open. He asked if I could see the serial number and the tag where it would be was half covered. Of course the left half so I can’t see which sets of numbers are what. But standing on one leg on tip toes, the other leg on the wall bracing myself, still holding that flashlight, trying to crane my neck around (and it’s sore from chiro today) to see a number on a small tag on a box that is bolted to the wall at a right angle to me. But I found it and gave it to him and we thought that when they added the numbers to both the router and the ONT, it would start working.

But of course it didn’t. The ONT wasn’t taking it. So he was going to give up but decided to give it one more try. Then I said the Universe must be telling me to read more books. Books? he asked. I said, yea, I haven’t had a weekend free at home in weeks and I just wanted to watch some Netflix in bed, you know?

And he laughed, and then said Can I ask you something? Sure. And he said, well, since you said Universe, have you heard that you can just ask the Universe what you want — like say it out loud — and it will happen? And I laughed and said, yea, I’ve been misusing it lately to ask for frivolous favors. My friends don’t believe me but I think they’d admit it seemingly worked. And he said, like what? And I told him about how I went to Vancouver on inauguration day with friends, and we were a little worried about what the border wait might be like because we were running late. But I mentally asked, then said It will be fine, we’ll breeze right through so we can still make dinner plans. And there was like, NO one in line and the CBP person asked us practically nothing. (Sorry friends, I forgot to ask on the way back. Who knew lots of people would be trying to get back IN to the US)?

And last weekend in Leavenworth, we were trying to get into town, after a total failure trying to get one of the like apparently two or three taxis in the whole area; no Lyft; and Uber that showed there in theory could be drivers, but nothing available and no ubers even on the map. So we drove and looked for parking for forever. An asshole in a Volvo SUV stole the only spot we’d found. He totally must have seen us pointing and reacting. We totally should have gone back and smashed his windows. I said we needed to find parking in 5 minutes or I was giving up, and boom! (It’s been working everywhere, these parking guide ultimatums).

He said, well, there is a book about that, I can’t remember the name, but it was about… the laws of attraction.

At this point, he tells me his third try doesn’t work, and said that he needed to finish the ticket and schedule a service visit, and I asked how long the wait is expected to be, and he said he wouldn’t know until it was done. He asked for my cell phone number, for the service call.

Reality sank in that I was probably not going to have internet for days. And that instead of relaxing at home Sunday, I’d be working at Starbucks. So I mentally asked for some help here, because I really didn’t want to give up my lazy weekend. OR have to go work somewhere else on Monday. Or have to wait here all day some day next week with no internet because I’m swamped at work.

I said, I guess I will be reading then. He said, well, let me find the name of that book for you. I think you’d like it.

(Now I’m imagining him texting me later, no doubt against company policy, to make sure I remember the name of the book).

He comes back on the phone to say he had gotten some admin to try again and it should have been working, but it’s still not seeing my router. So he started to set up that service call again. And that he’d found the name of the book, it’s The Secret, and he loved it, his son loved it.

(My crush gets crushed).

He said it made his son into an instant philosopher, and I said, you have to start them young, and he laughed and said yup you do. And we both kind of paused and half sighed, in acknowledgement of how bonkers everything is right now.

Through all this time, I had been laying on the floor under my desk on my cell phone, waiting for the stupid router to light up. I realized how upset I actually was about this, like, really angry and feeling sorry for myself, and suddenly I could actually *access* really deep down feelings of anger and sadness and that I could opt to let those go. And I did. But then I realized that there was some of those things, but also other similar but not quite the same feelings. It became really easy to name them. Self-pity. I was shocked that most of it was self-pity. And that it wasn’t exactly hopelessness or helplessness, but defeat. I felt defeated.

And I decided neither of those things are emotions I associate myself with. I’m not defeated, and I’m certainly not helpless or hopeless. I don’t think I pity myself, at least not in a serious way. (Just when my internet access is out for almost 7 damn hours on a Friday evening).

And I decided to let those go too. And I kept finding more. And letting those go too. There are so many more, but I know how I can let those go when I’m ready to, too. All these things that are not me. Not who I am. Not my energy. It’s amazing to me how much connecting with the emotions of the small current thing helped me recognize the old wounds. I felt such a shift in energy that it was, uhm, kind of arousing. In every sense. My brain is buzzing just as much as my body is. My ‘sight’ is much clearer than usual.

Then I told him I was going to try restarting my router even though it was supposed to just work, and he said in that case, he’d reset on his side too. So he did that, and I did that, and it WORKED.

I said, See? It works. He laughed and agreed. I said thank you, weekend saved! He said no, thank YOU, and we laughed again.

(In another timeline, we somehow meet, get married, and have kids). (Just kidding, I don’t want kids). (Probably).

Thank you tech support (and guides) for my Internet! Now what’s new on Netflix that I need to see….