Category: Mind (page 1 of 5)

We Could Be Heroes

tfw people keep telling you there is repressed anger inside of you, and you’re like “okay, but I can’t seem to make myself feel anger?” but they are really insistent, so you meditate on “anger” and eventually realize you need to be more precise about naming your feelings, so you set aside time to work on feeling more nuanced feelings, resentment, frustration, self-pity, defiance, and come to fury…

furious

… and feel what decades of pent up fury feels like, and can only think, this is how superheroes and villains are created, and have to focus on grounding out the enormous amount of power that resonates with that because it didn’t feel so great.

think i’ll have to put a stopper in that emotion for now.

Fertilizer (or, why we’re up to our necks in shit)

I’ve found a weird calmness recently about the stuff going on in this country (this world). There is such awfulness, but also so very many absolutely amazing, brave, and strong people. Remember that there are more of you than there are of them. And that what’s going on is forcing so many more to take a step back and consider whether what’s going on aligns with their values. And so our numbers grow. I am willing to believe that we’re seeing the birthing pains of a much better world. Age of Pisces is on its way out, but clinging for dear life.

Had an amazing conversation yesterday about the concept of “psychopomps” or grim reapers. Our culture is afraid of death and sees these constructs as something to be feared. In older cultures, they understood death was part of the natural cycle of things. The death and decay of winter is needed to enrich the soil of the spring sprouts.

A culture terrified of dying is refusing to just die off already. The healer we were talking to commented that people now “take so long to die.” Meaning when someone’s time is inevitable, that they cling to the last breaths of their lives and struggle to keep their hearts beating, with no other result than prolonging their suffering. As a world, we’re so spiritually disconnected that we don’t understand death is a release and relief when your body can not longer support life. This age of people and cultures who are terrified of dying, of course is hanging on for dear life and the death throes are grotesque. But I am certain this conflict is clearing the way for something better.

When fear becomes strength

A week spent realizing how very brave I am. One of the bravest people I have known. It’s weird to be coming out the other side of the last few years with this perspective. A year ago I was so afraid and so hurt that I didn’t think I would survive it. I sincerely believe death would have been easier. I thought about it quite often. I felt so cowardly, but there were many times when the only thing stopping me was not wanting to be responsible for that much hurt in other people. You: my friends, the portion of my family whose feelings I care about and respect. I know you wouldn’t have blamed me. But it would have hurt, and there were a few people I love that would have never really recovered from it. You would have become as broken as I felt.

I see now that being brave isn’t about being fearless. It’s about seeing that fear, recognizing its depth, understanding that it can and probably will break you down to your very core, that you will be irrevocably changed, and yet refusing to run from it. Refusing to yield to it. Meeting your demons, staring them down, forcing them to be the ones to look away. To run from you. To fear you. Because the fear that had once overwhelmed you is no match for your strength. Because your fear has been transmuted into power.

A “boring” dream, you might say

When an otherwise annoying but pretty pedestrian dream ends abruptly by a bull crashing through a picture window in a suburb house and goring me to death, I really have to think my subconscious is trolling me.

 

What’s up, subconscious?

Ugh. Dream so strange and fucked up and disorienting that I’m literally reeling from it.

 

(And because I didn’t write it down or type it out, I can’t remember it already…)

I dream of orgies

I just woke up from a dream that was a full on depraved bacchanalian orgy at the house I grew up in. So many of you were there.

😳

So was the bottomless bag of kittens.

🙃

It was all fun and games until we ran out of mixers and beer.

The part that genuinely disturbed me? No one was using condoms. Guys, if I’m nice enough to invite you to a massive orgy, at least be safe.

🙄

😉

Active

As I do more and more energy work, it’s clear to me that pain is intimately connected with a sedentary lifestyle. I’m not saying that being very active means no pain, because I’m not even close to being there yet.

But I do know that when I work on moving energy in dark, impacted, or pinched areas, or when the gray “soot” leaves me, something in my body relaxes. Sometimes it’s deep inside my body, sometimes on the surface. The fascia resists and then suddenly glides, and tendon and ligament and muscle and vessels and nerves underneath all suddenly relax.

Being “active” is not sufficient. It needs to be something where you stretch every bit of your body in every way possible. No wonder yoga lifts the spirits as well as making your body feel better. Even just wiggling your spine, pelvis, hip joints, shoulder joints, ribs, neck around. I’m convinced that even just massaging your own armpits for a couple of minutes a day would immediately have an impact on pain, but also a gradual impact on general health.

I’m really happy to see that it can be done with the mind, or at least, with energy clearing. It’s not as efficient when used as an alternative to movement, versus a companion to movement, but that makes me really hopeful for those who have limited mobility.

Probably pretty accurate?

Just remembered my weird dream from Monday night. I was stuck in a (very luxurious) penthouse suite with Kanye and Kim Kardashian. Kim was actually really nice and made Belgian waffles that turned out to be delicious. She kept making more and kept insisting I eat more. Kanye was in the pool (there was a pool) and kept pissing in the pool and telling everyone he was pissing in the pool then threw a fit when no one would join him.

Made of stars

So I’ve been practicing energy work on myself for a little more than a year now, experimenting with different techniques but mostly just trying to intuit it.

For a variety of reasons, my chakras were so clogged, dark energy everywhere, in some places so thick that the area looks black rather than the color of that chakra’s (normal) vibration, as well as lots of things embedded in them, knotted spots, caged off areas, and even gaping holes. Lots of very deep-seated traumas and fears and a minefield of painful memories.

Over time, it has really almost started to freak me out how directly these wounds correspond to physical ailments, especially bodily pain. Clear some of this gunk and you literally feel a muscle or tendon or something relax, usually from someplace deep inside your flesh. I notice it most really close to bones – along my spine, my neck, shoulders, hipbones.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this openly, but I was tentatively diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year, after years of trying to figure out what was going on. So many tests, medications, chiropractic adjustments, so much physical therapy and acupuncture. It always helped but seemed to just be holding the problem at bay, keeping the symptoms from getting worse but rarely actually feeling better. It takes so much energy and time and money just to maintain the relatively poor level of health I am feeling, to maintain hope that it won’t decline any more.

I’ve been doing a lot of work lately, especially psychological and energetic, and that blackness is no longer pervasive. The colors are muted and covered with soot and film, but they aren’t hidden anymore. They are opening up again. Tonight for the first time, a few small spots were able to get so clear that I saw the true color of those chakras, how bright they are. I immediately thought

“My god! It’s full of stars.”

Forbidden fruit

I think this is really relevant to a lot of our lives right now. It’s a good time for letting go of what doesn’t serve us.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/09/septembers-black-moon-the-rare-powerful-feminine-goddess-lilith/

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