It’s amazing how a little (well, a lot) of meditation, contemplation, encouragement, and sympathy can shed some light into the darkness that is my mind these days. Thanks frenz.
Last week was “I’m done, the fight isn’t worth it, how could I die without hurting all the people I love?”
This week: “I’m much, much braver, stronger and more resilient than I had believed was possible.”
I hope it lasts. 
I sometimes think that all my friends now are my “music friends,” the ones I’ve met at festivals or shows or on message boards talking about music and festivals and show. I’ve wondered if I had ditched all my “normal friends” (meaning, only casual interest in music) because of this one thing. But, I remembered that as early as age 11, my friends and I were the ones with the best moves, dancing next to the speakers at school dances.
All my friends are my music friends.
My one real contribution to the world has been getting my cheerleading squad to do dance routines to the KLF, Technotronic, and… this
Edit: yikes that was 25 years ago…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYkKrUH1lCM
New Year’s Resolution time.
I don’t normally do them, but I think the universe is trying to tell me something. I am going to work on asking for help and accepting help that’s offered.
Thank you so much, everyone who has offered to help. I’m sorry I’m so bad at taking you up on it! It’s partially not wanting to inconvenience other people and partially hating to have to depend on other people for anything, but I’m slowly learning that I make situations so much harder by not letting people help me.
Yes, helping is sometimes inconvenient, but I know you guys care about me and don’t mind a little hassle to help a friend.
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