Tag: meditation

Made of stars

So I’ve been practicing energy work on myself for a little more than a year now, experimenting with different techniques but mostly just trying to intuit it.

For a variety of reasons, my chakras were so clogged, dark energy everywhere, in some places so thick that the area looks black rather than the color of that chakra’s (normal) vibration, as well as lots of things embedded in them, knotted spots, caged off areas, and even gaping holes. Lots of very deep-seated traumas and fears and a minefield of painful memories.

Over time, it has really almost started to freak me out how directly these wounds correspond to physical ailments, especially bodily pain. Clear some of this gunk and you literally feel a muscle or tendon or something relax, usually from someplace deep inside your flesh. I notice it most really close to bones – along my spine, my neck, shoulders, hipbones.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this openly, but I was tentatively diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year, after years of trying to figure out what was going on. So many tests, medications, chiropractic adjustments, so much physical therapy and acupuncture. It always helped but seemed to just be holding the problem at bay, keeping the symptoms from getting worse but rarely actually feeling better. It takes so much energy and time and money just to maintain the relatively poor level of health I am feeling, to maintain hope that it won’t decline any more.

I’ve been doing a lot of work lately, especially psychological and energetic, and that blackness is no longer pervasive. The colors are muted and covered with soot and film, but they aren’t hidden anymore. They are opening up again. Tonight for the first time, a few small spots were able to get so clear that I saw the true color of those chakras, how bright they are. I immediately thought

“My god! It’s full of stars.”

I’ll be meditating with my eyes open for a while…

I was wondering why people were talking about Stranger Things being scary, and then I watched episode 6.

The Journey

It just hit me, why people would work on shedding their desires. I understood it made clearer one’s spiritual path, but I always thought that must an impossible struggle. But I’m realizing the more content you are with yourself, your place in this existence, the less you seek external means of altering your mental state.

We all seek an ecstatic state. We catch fleeting glimpses of this happiness when we supplement our lives with things and behaviors meant to give a quick fix, be it drinking or drugs, buying yourself something, eating something decadent, or even sex. I’m not saying any of these things are bad. They do help for a small while – until you wake up the next morning hungover.

When you realize you can reach a similar state without any external stimulation, it’s less interesting to get there using ‘something’ to make you happier. I’d even say it’s easier to find contentment.

PS – this is not one of those smug ‘look at my wonderful life’ posts intended to make you feel less good about your own. My life is not ideal, and I’m working through some serious, pretty dark issues. But, I am absolutely happy with the progress I have made at this point in my journey.

I wish someone would have warned me

…that meditation can eventually lead to (temporarily, I assume) feeling like you will never sleep well or feel safe in your own body again.

Ughhhhh

…When you are meditating and working on knots deep in your body and feel the eeriest feeling of something slithering away inside you. I’m going to tell myself that’s chi moving and not some kind of parasite.

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