I’ve been napping on and off today, as well as going into my body and trying to release what knots and tension I can.  Thinking a lot as well.

On Friday, I had a second session with someone named Atsuko at a locally well known shop that facilitates sessions with readers and healers. I’m still not sure what to make of her.  She called me out for “testing her,” when really the problem is that I don’t trust her.  She’s told me a lot of information, so much that it feels like she is trying to impress with what she can see.  Or exaggerates and embellishes a lot.

I didn’t plan on seeing her again. The first session had seemed like it was going okay, but I lost sense of time (not uncommon for me), and was shocked when she ended and said it had been 90 minutes.  I’d asked for a 30 minute session, and she never indicated or asked she was going to go longer than that.  Reluctantly, I paid for 90 minutes and tried to chalk it up to a lesson learned.  People do seem to assume that I have lots of money to spend and try to find ways to get in on that.  I don’t know why I assumed it might be different with someone who calls themselves a healer.  There was a real mismatch in expectations as I was leaving: I was saying I did not plan on booking another session, while she was still pushing “weekly sessions for several months.” Like she wasn’t even hearing what I was saying.

When I did not schedule another session, she texted and tried to call me… a lot. Every day. For days.  I stopped responding.   I didn’t plan on ever seeing her again. Then she texted me saying she would work on me and just ask for payment at a future point.  Of course I wasn’t going to take her up on that, but her suggestion made me wonder if she legitimately felt she could help and needed to help, or if this was a method of luring people in.  It wasn’t like she suggested a sliding scale or asked what or how often I would consider.  She just suggested she could keep a running tab to be paid off.

I am apparently easily manipulated.  I came back, I asked for a 60 minute session, and she did 120.  And then added 120 minutes to my debt to her.  I am apparently easily manipulated, and it seems worst with people who call theirselves intuitives. Maybe because my vulnerabilities are particularly obvious to them.

Money is apparently a very vulnerable spot for me right now.  Even though I did end up finding another (crappy) job at my company and didn’t end up getting laid off, the threat of being laid off immediately after coming back from medical leave and having multiple current expensive to treat issues really really brought my money fears back into full force.

Addendum: Many months later, I’d read an article about psychic development/maturity versus emotional development/maturity, and this would all make sense.  (Moderate psychic maturity, but low emotional maturity  = someone who shows off psychic gifts and then uses them to take advantage of the people who believe).