Tag: religion

In case people don’t think I’m crazy yet

It has been so strange to start my adult life as an agnostic, even an atheist, and in looking at major religions, knowing that all man-made religions are wrong,… and yet end up being surer than ever that there is a higher power, a source that has connected everything that ever was and ever will be.

That is not to say that our religious icons did not, do not, exist. Jesus, Buddha, Shiva, Mohammad, all of them are very real. They just didn’t ask or need to be worshipped (though they deserve our respect). We’re the ones who created the cults and wrote the books saying they did. Their intention was, and still is, to help. To help elevate us. To help us let go of anger and hate and pain and shame and all of the things and beliefs and feelings that distance us from this source of pure love. They offer help whether or not you “believe in” them.

(I’m sure there are beings out there that do want to be worshipped – to me, that’s a sign for me to stay away. But it occurs to me that most religions focus on an icon that doesn’t need your worship. It is the authorities within those religions who benefit from it).

I’m left with really mixed feelings about organized religions. Buddhism is, to me, the one that has retained the most purity of message and intent, but like anything left in the hands of humans for thousands of years, it’s gone a bit off course too. And don’t get me started on the Abrahamic religions whose very intent is to divide us rather than to bring us together, to foster intolerance rather than love, by making non-believers the enemy and insisting there is only one path to the truth (One that you will not find following their faiths) and that everyone else is going to “hell.”

I’m trying to see that they serve a purpose, that despite the harm some of them cause, they still intend to bring people closer to that universal consciousness, that “holy spirit.” That many people in our modern world would not find that connection without the structure of religion and the familiarity of a paternal god figure. And that in addition to causing harm, it can help those who have become cut off from the divine.

I guess the point of my ramble is, for those of you who are disenchanted with the religion(s) you have tried, or who have viewed religion as a fraud… if despite this you still feel any faith that there is something greater at work in the universes, please do not give up. Please do not think that you need to have a church, or an intermediary, or even a particular belief system. You have direct access to Spirit because it’s already part of you. If everyone was could find that connection, our world could surpass any idea of “heaven” you’ve ever had.

Forbidden fruit

I think this is really relevant to a lot of our lives right now. It’s a good time for letting go of what doesn’t serve us.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/09/septembers-black-moon-the-rare-powerful-feminine-goddess-lilith/

I’d rather have guides than masters

I do not want to do morning pages anymore. 12 weeks? It’s been like 3 days.

I feel like just typing asdflaks;dfja;efaoisdjfalsdk;jsdf over and over for three pages.  I feel like throwing the laptop across the room.  No, I feel like browsing the internet, some Facebook here, some Netflix there.  Maybe just engrossing myself in a book until bed.

[Look, I KNOW typing them on a computer instead of writing them by hand is a bad idea – it introduces a lot of distractions – but I’m having even more resistance to hand-writing].

I don’t know why I am already so resenting the time I spend doing them.  I don’t know why I am procrastinating until evening rather than writing “morning pages.”  I don’t know why I am so resistant when the time comes to click the keys and put letters onto screen.  I don’t know what will come out, I guess.  I don’t know why I can’t just think and type and write.  What am I afraid of seeing come out?

Yikes.  My stomach just lurched when I typed that.

While procrastinating, I spent some time doing research on different training programs that are available in the Seattle area.  I found a promising looking site/teacher for “healing touch” energy medicine, as well as a reiki training class.   The “healing touch” instructor’s name seems very familiar.  I feel as if I have seen her name on another intuitive’s site or perhaps have seen advertisements at a fair for her services.

I’m interested in exploring this more to see if the training is useful and fruitful for someone who is not already in the health care field. Meaning, would I be able to even see clients?  Do I even care if I’m able to see paying clients?  Perhaps that’s not something to focus on at this point.

I realize part of me already knows what to do, but I don’t feel confident working on others, because I have no explanation for it.  I’ve not been taught, I’ve not been certified, I’ve not been legitimized by someone else.  My heart swelled with pride at a quick mental image of myself as a healer, a helper, of others.  I self-corrected and disciplined myself, insisting it is wrong to be prideful and to want an outcome where I feel important or powerful.  But, I almost immediately realized it isn’t wrong, because that warmth wasn’t about desiring great power.  It was about being seen, noticed, remembered.  Being valued at all.  Maybe even being important.  Not important like the leader of the free world is important.  But important to some. Important to others.  Someone who would be dearly missed if gone.

This surely goes back to childhood, to psychic, emotional and physical injuries that were inflicted on me by dad, by mom and by others. I was told before that I need to get angry about this, to feel and process and release that anger.  I always replied that I just couldn’t see it happening, I just can’t summon up the anger.  Well, tonight I finally did.  Admittedly, it was mild.  Barely a stirring as I read about chakra development stages and realized how much dad had screwed me over and screwed me up in literally every phase.  There for a split second, I felt it.  In the center of my chest, but also high in my gut, a rush of warmth and a clench of tension.

How dare he? How dare he? How DARE he?

It’s baffling to me that my siblings have become so religious when they had the same parents and same upbringing as me.  How can they not see this all as hypocritical, at best, but possibly even more sinister and harmful? Was the abuse I received more impactful than that they received? Perhaps.  I would think though that they saw and felt enough to know something was very very wrong, something was WRONG with the person who promoted himself as our spiritual superior.  Our spiritual guide.

Master. That’s a better word. He never guided us — he ordered us around.  I racked my brain to think of any situation in my childhood where my dad ‘guided’ me. Does grabbing me by the arm or gripping my head hard to jerk me in his direction count? No? Okay then.

Separation of church and what?

Justice Scalia helps me to become a better person by constantly forcing me to suppress my wish for misfortune or death to visit him whenever he opens his fucking mouth.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/1/4/1466056/-Supreme-Court-Justice-Scalia-T

Fundamentalism

“Fundamentalism is always a tragedy. It is not religious, it lacks God, it is idolatrous.”

That it’s so remarkable to see a Pope denounce the literalism and extremism that is so prevalent today, only speaks to how distorted Christianity has become in the last < 200 years. This is not the culmination of 2,000 years of theology — it’s an about-face from the understanding of religion as mythos, as parables — that may have happened once but also happen all the time — intended to help people understand how to be good and kind. It’s a terrible shame that “Christians” refuse to take a long look at those words in red and try to model their behavior after the prophet they claim to believe in.

 

https://www.yahoo.com/news/pope-says-fundamentalism-disease-religions-041229589.html

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